I trust you, I think?!

Trust. What does it mean to trust someone? Well, for the most part, I trust just about everyone I know unless they give me a reason not to trust them. The way it should be, right? So why do I feel like maybe I should be more cautious on who I trust and with what?

I've been burned in the past by trusting people I thought were my friends and boy, was that an eye opener. So, since that happened I hold back on telling certain people certain things about my life. It's just natural to be protective, isn't it?

I find it very funny that a recent text conversation with a friend went something like this: What you don't know won't hurt you so don't ask. My reply: But I don't work that way so if I want to know, I'll ask.

But as they say, curiosity killed the cat and I believe it's true. If you think you're not gonna like the answer, either don't ask or don't get crazy when the truth is revealed. Life. So. Complicated.

Well, yes, that's what I think

The older I get, the bolder I get. At least, that's what I think. I'm not afraid to say what I wanna say. Sometimes that gets me in trouble because I tend to sometimes say too much. At least, that's what my coworker says. He says, Ok, Laura, you don't have to say everything you think. And I said, but then I wouldn't be me and he agreed. So, that being said, what am I thinking right now?

Well, I'm thinking these daddy days/weekends suck. I wish we didn't have to split time. I'm told I'll get used to it but I'm not yet and when the kids aren't here, it's too quiet. While it's nice to not rush getting dressed in the morning so we'll be out the door at 6:45am, it's weird only getting myself ready. And I miss them laughing in the backseat or fighting or singing or throwing tantrums. Because I know one day, when they are all grown up, I will miss the car rides to daycare or school. They are still small but already, I think back to when they were babies and can't believe they are so big. And it's almost been a year that we've been just us three. Crazy how time flies. It's been a tough road, an emotional roller coaster and though the ride isn't over, it's certainly been a memorable one.

On the same note, I do need the time to myself as well. It's nice to relax and catch up on DVR'd episodes of "Young and the Restless" without constant interruption. Or maybe go do some solo shopping or meetup with a friend or cousin or maybe, dare I say it....go on a date? So, while I miss the munchkins, it is nice to have time to myself, to compose myself, reflect on the craziness that is my life...work, home, family, everything. Just take it all in. But at the end of the day, I know no matter if it's a daddy day or not, they are always mine, 24/7 and I'll do whatever I need to do make them happy.

This blog doesn't flow. It actually strays from the original title. I think my original intention was to talk about something entirely different but that's what happens when you start typing sometimes, just fly off the handle and post non-sequitirs. Oh well. Time to get back to Pandora and surf the net. Peace.

Letting Go

I'm trying to think of what to write and I still don't know. I just got done having a fabulous conversation with a new friend of what it means to let it go. Sounds pretty simple, just let go and move on, right? But sometimes it's not that simple, especially because I'm such an emotional person. Letting go is more than just moving on. It means letting go of the past as well and it's not that easy. Sometimes one simple word or place will remind me of the past and I'll get angry and there we go, feelings come back and it's then I realize, well, shit, I haven't let go. So, why hold on if it doesn't make me a better person? Because everything that is thrown at us, I believe, is to make us stronger and better. I don't have an answer but I do know that I need to let go in every way possible because I need to make a better life for myself and my children as well. So letting go means to close the chapters and start fresh. The past makes us who we are and without it, I would be a different Laura. But I'm a Laura now who has found her smile and to keep that smile around means letting go of the days when that smile was hiding.

Sticks and Stones

I'm about as emotional as they come which is why I've never understood the saying of "sticks and stones." What the hell is that anyway? How can words never hurt me? I get what it's supposed to mean but come on, really? Words hurt, especially if they come from people you trust and love. It takes alot out of me to try and brush it off when someone is mean and hurls insults at me. I'm learning and I'm getting better. I guess time is my best friend. I can't for the life of me understand how people get gratification at being so hurtful but at the same time if that brings them joy then what a miserable life they lead. And to that, I raise a glass to all those with sharp tongues. Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words, though they may hurt, will never get the best of me so cheers, drink up and I'll tell you where to stick that stick.

Table for three, please.

Table for three, please. Yes, three. Me, my son and my daughter. I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and though I'd like the nice even number of four, that's not the way it is. Funny how it's set in our minds that the fairy tale ending is what we strive for but how many actually achieve it? And to those who do, congrats, that's awesome. Never did I imagine I'd be a single mom but I am and you know what, it's hard. But it's definitely made me a stronger woman. And I can confidently say, 100% without a doubt that I'm a woman. I have my childish moments but who doesn't? A 30-something year old woman with a sassy 2 year old daughter and wild 3 year old son who is a spitting image of his dad.

I know I'm not the only one out there who's gone through this so I'm not going to act like I deserve a pat on the back because I don't. Countless women have raised children on their own and have done an amazing job. Through Facebook, I've been able to reconnect with my high school classmates and I've listened to their stories on the struggles of being a single parent. And the funny thing is I knew these ladies but didn't know much other than their names. And they are beautiful, strong women who live for their children BUT make time for themselves too. They inspire me and remind me that everything will be okay.

So, there it is. I'm happy to reserve a table for three. Micael, Layla and me.